im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
