Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
