i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
