I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
