I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
