so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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