I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
