do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
