So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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