Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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