Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
