Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
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Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize