He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
