winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
