She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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