Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
