This girl is more easily done than said...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
