I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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