I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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