if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
