Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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