I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
