I'd wear matching sweaters with you
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My ass is underappreciated
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize