There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize