we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
