i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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