he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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