i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
