Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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