all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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