You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
