I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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