he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
