Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
