Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
