just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize