All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
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Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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