12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.