So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?