Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything