Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
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Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
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Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!