I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
