somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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