So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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