MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
