Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
