Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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