my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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