Sponge bath it is.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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