it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize