i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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