I hope mine doesn't look like that
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
