I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
