a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
