the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
