ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
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He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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