If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
