I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
