Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
