I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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