I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
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My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
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Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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