On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
