I love black thongs
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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