you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
