On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.