I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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